I been wanting to share with you guys our Birth story, but it felt like whenever i start putting the events in order in my head i just get overwhelmed, because my labour lasted over 3 days, but finally here it goes… Amani is taking her nap, Jayme is at Practice, and i have plenty of time to just play that flashback and sort of relive those events and write about them.
it was April 22nd 2015 and i insisted that my husband and I go for our maternity shoot even though we still had 2 weeks until the due date. Jayme had Practice that day, nothing could convince me to do it later it was either that morning or never. We went for the shoot and the pictures came out beautiful and i was happy. Jayme then ran to Practice, and i just went back home.
When i returned home i felt so energized. I don’t know where i got this energy! I’m talking about an energy i’ve never had in my life even on three cups of coffee! I felt like cleaning the whole house, scrubbing the floor, dusting, washing the windows and all the baby clothes, getting the hospital bag together….just doing everything. After i was done, i turned on some chaabi moroccan music and burned the rest of the energy i had, 15 minutes later i crashed and burned going back to being a regular 9 month pregnant woman. I then laid down on the couch, staring in the space, trying to mentally prepare myself for the delivery pain i only heard and read about. Next thing i know i started feeling pain in my back and lower abdomen. It felt exactly like menstrual pain, i didn’t really think it was labour, because it would go away for 30-40 minutes and come back again.
Jayme got home around 6pm and he could see that my whole energy was different then when he saw me earlier in the day. he asked me if i was OK? and i told him how i felt, and he suggested that we go to the hospital. I didn’t think that it was a good idea, i didn’t think that the baby was coming yet. Plus, i heard about how the turkish hospitals push women to get C-section and this didn’t sound good. we ended going to the doctor who barely spoke any english, he did an examination in which i had an ultrasound and found out that the baby had dropped. He looked at Jayme and said “the baby is coming”, i remember exactly how i felt, i can’t really describe it all i can say is that i felt like my heart stopped and my mind started tripping. Jayme had this big smile in his face, and he looked like he had so many things to do but didn’t know where to start. I was then transferred to my room and Jayme rushed home to get the hospital bag and the car seat.
the first night in the hospital, the contractions were coming every 20-30 minutes. it felt three times as painful as menstrual cramps, but it would go away and come back. we stayed up all night, Jayme and I were talking to Amani, telling her how much we love her, and how we couldn’t wait to see her and hold her. we also put our heads together and talked about what if the baby came the day of the game? we decided that he would go to his game and return on the same day. after all that’s his job, at the same time i would have my friend Kyra as well as the nurses who were so kind, loving and sweet to take care of me.
“we stayed up all night, Jayme and I were talking to Amani, telling her how much we love her, and how we couldn’t wait to see her and hold her.”
the following day was the same story. i had doctors and nurses examine if my cervix was dilating (which is so freaking painful), at the same time my contractions were getting stronger and stronger, we really didn’t want this dragged to the 25th because that was the day of the game.
Jayme left the morning of the 25th to Izmir which is 1 hour flight from Istanbul following the 45 minute drive to the airport! i was so scared that i would have to deliver Amani without him, so that was an extra thing to worry about on top of my labour pain. i was so thankful to have my friend Kyra with me she was massaging my back making sure that i was ok. the pain got real, my cramps felt a million times worse…and i felt so many kinds of pain but i’m not comfortable going into the details.
On the other side of the country it was just a mess. Jayme got hurt in the game. after the game was finished and the team headed to the airport there was a fire on one of the planes of airline the team was flying with, so all the flights of that airline were grounded including his flight. when Jayme told me that on the phone, i just wanted to punch something or someone.
this is when the doctor told me that we have to go for a C-section as soon as possible other wise, me or the baby might get an infection. as much as i got myself ready and planned on having a natural birth, i didn’t want to risk my or my baby’s health. A friend once told me that you never know what to expect in the delivery room, that quote stuck in my mind and made me do my research about what to expect in case you have to go through a C-section. I was sad that i would not live the whole natural birth experience, but at the same time, some things come before that, and the first thing on the list is my and my baby’s safety.
At this moment the pain was so unbearable, i was only 4 cm dilated, smacked in the face with the fact that i had to get a C-section. This is exactly what i didn’t want and my husband was stuck in an airport halfway across the country. it was so stressful and i felt helpless, but we are the Millers and we always figure it out. We continued to talk back and forth on the phone for 30 minutes untill Jayme got a ticket with another airline.
His flight took off at 9m putting him in Istanbul around 10:45 pm. during that time i had to finish some paper work and make sure that everything was ready for me to go into the delivery room as soon as he arrived. Jayme landed at 10:45 pm and it took him 45 minutes to get to the hospital. as soon as he got to the hospital i was transferred to the delivery room and Jayme was taken into the waiting room while the doctors prepared me for the surgery. I received an epidural and while it was physically relaxing; mentally i felt so anxious and disappointing. I have never had surgery before and felt as if i let my daughter down. as i laid on the table numb, all i was waiting for was to hear my baby cry. This 30 minutes felt so long and i kept asking if everything was Ok? They assured me over and over that everything was going smoothly.
At 11:30 pm Amani was out but there was no crying. i kept asking if she’s Ok? and why is she not crying? before i got an answer the nurse cleared her mouth from all the mucus and that’s when she started crying and my heart was no longer in its place. i just wanted to hold her, kiss her, and tell her how much i loved her. the nurse then brought her to me and she was so beautiful and healthy. she weighted 3,370 Kg and was 49 cm long.My recovery was fast! i was released from the hospital the next day and couple of days later i was able to take Amani for her checkup.
Having a C-section was never my perfect birth plan, but it was the only choise for me and my daughter to be healthy, and for that i’m thankful. i would never beat myself up or think of myself as less of a mother for accepting it. the way a woman chooses to deliver her child does not put her in a certain category. do you agree or disagree with me? leave a comment down below tell me what you think, and I’d love to hear your stories!